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Cast Off Lines and Set Sail, or The Mutiny, or It Would Be Helpful If God Had Email

I’m sitting at an Its A Grind Coffee shop in Cypress, California.  What’s funny is that I used to work for an Its A Grind coffee shop in Long Beach, California.  It was actually one of the originals; not a franchise.  This used to make me proud, but now its of little consequence.    My time at Its A Grind was fun.  I worked there with my roommate Jordan.  Sometimes Jordan would go buy beer, and we would stick it in the ice maker in the back to keep it cold.  We learned how to rig the sound system to play off our ipods.  Ok, I’m a liar.  Jordan was cool and had an ipod, but I had a portable disc man.  Nevertheless, we would spend our evenings on Signal Hill with no one inside the coffee shop, listening to Bright Eyes, The Good Life, or Elliot Smith (if it were Jordan’s night) Thrice, Thursday, or Saves The Day (if it were my night) swilling Coors light, and attempting to create Latte art.  I look back on those days with fondness.

My wife is across the street at Cypress College tending to her studies, and we are bracing ourselves for a change of weather.  Darcie quit her job today, and it was the right thing to do.  She has been at Wells Fargo for three years, and for the better half of it things were pretty sour.  I am not the one to explain it all, but I was there when she got home.  It came to its boiling point today and so I went with her as she gave her notice.

So here we are:  Young.  Poor.  Hanging on tight.

We sat in the car for a little while.  Mostly not talking, just thinking and occasionally checking in on the other with a ‘what are you thinking?’  Both of us asking ourselves a number of questions.  She’s scared and nervous, I’m scared and nervous but don’t let her know it.  

So we continue to navigate by the stars, knowing that eventually the sea will calm.  Until then… we pray. 

And always hold fast to hope.

 

Things I’ve Been Enjoying (Summertime Edition vol. 1 episode 1 in a series of 3)

So I thought it would be a good time to write about what I’ve been enjoying lately…  

Life has been going smoothly with the routine in order and chaos at bay.  I’m not sure that I’ve been enjoying this, but I’m tolerating it.  Things will get shaken up here soon.  Darcie heads into summer school.  We begin the discussion of whether to move or stay put for a little while.  And then this guy…

This is Noah, and that is his gigantic penis.  Darc and I found him at the shelter in Irvine.  We had been chatting for months about the possibility of a dog.  Big dog or medium dog (small dog was not considered…ever)?  Shelter pup, or pure bred?  Puppy or grown up?  Can we or can’t we?  

So we went to the shelter to have a look.  I saw a Husky that I fell in love with.  He was less than a year old and big.  A beautiful white and red coat with the coolest eyes.  We inquired about him and the staff told us that several people were interested in him.  We went home, and started thinking about the whole thing of adoption.  It seems sad to go to a shelter, find the best looking dog, and take him home.  What about the ugly ones?  What about the ‘least of these’?  So Darcie brought up the idea of Noah, the ugly dog next to the beautiful Husky.  Well…Noah isn’t ugly, he just has sad eyes, a large package, and weird looking testicles.  But when we went back to see him all that was overshadowed by how sweet he was.  So we put a hold down, we got the situation all in line with our apartment community, we went back and took him home.  He’s still weird looking.  He has sad eyes still but they don’t reflect his personality.  His penis is still big and frequently visits.  And although he is neutered, his empty coin pouch hangs in tact.

Noah.  Our little boy.

In other, not nearly as exciting news, I recently watched, and really really enjoyed this movie.  Its fantastic!  Funny, uplifting, atypical.  It also has a lot to say without trying to say it.  Rent it.  Not from Blockbuster.  Also, the first scene in this movie between Morgan Freeman and Jonah Hill is outstanding!

I’ve been on a big Pedro the Lion kick lately.  I mixed myself one too many drinks one evening and I ended up buying just about every cd he’s made (Tim…don’t hate me, but in my tipsyness I bought them all from Amazon.com).  Before purchasing I read a couple of reviews and these were the ones that made me buy:

“This is the most depressing album I’ve ever heard.”

“I thought this guy was supposed to be a Christian!  How can he be a Christian and write songs about drinking, adultery, and murder?  Don’t buy this cd.”

On the contrary, my friend…I just did.

Also, as I finish up this book l plan on diving in to these books: 

You Shall Know Our Velocity” by Dave Eggers

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” by Dave Eggers

and

Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card

I leave you with my favorite summertime activity.  I used to play Whiffle Ball on a daily basis in the summer with my brother and neighbors.  Whenever I come home, I still expect to play at least a little.  Lately, I have been organizing homerun derby competitions inside my office.  We haven’t broken any windows yet, however my assistant manager Nathan did hit an at’em line drive and knocked off one of the flowers on my Manager’s orchid.  We doctored it up and no one noticed.  Anyway…enjoy this (his 5th pitch is my favorite).  I’ve been studying trying to perfect my curveball.  I’ve got a pretty good one, but if you know its coming and sit on it I leave it up there for you to knock the crap out of it.

Thanks for reading!  you are loved.

 

Taste The Happy

Bored In Southern California, Looking to Meet a Good Idea (serious inquiries only please)

I’m trying to figure out what to do this weekend.  My weekend lies in the middle of the week, so sometimes its difficult to get the wheels turning in my brain.  On top of that I’m pretty bored with the typical activities that this region has to offer.  I even woke up today excited to do laundry.  I was actually bummed to see that I have no quarters, and no money in the bank to get quarters.  If you were my wife, you would be concerned.  This is not normal behavior for me.

So I implore you, 5 noble readers.  Comment, and tell me what the heck I should do this weekend (don’t forget that is wednesday and thursday).  It is up to you to stimulate my mind!

The Weather Outside is Delightful

Its cloudy!  My feet are cold!  My coffee is hot!  I’ve submitted a request to my wife that we travel the globe chasing the Fall and Winter seasons.  1/2 the year in the northern hemi, 1/2 the year in the southern.  Wait…does that make sense?

Food Grows Where Water Flows, or The Process It May Take To Wind Up At Home

I’m at home, and its good.  Funny how I still call it home despite the fact that I have lived somewhere else for the last 5 years.  Nevertheless, its home and when I am here I am happy.  Most people from where I live respond with “I’m sorry,” when I tell them where I am from.  They call it the Middle of Nowhere.  Which, when I think about it, makes complete sense, because kids in Southern California are most proud of living somewhere everyone knows.  If they came from the nowhere they are afraid of being no one.  But there is something profound about this little town tucked in under the Sierra Nevadas full of its pastures and groves.  Full of no ones that know everyone.  Sure, Southern California can boast its beaches and urban nightlife, but it all starts looking the same after a year or so.  Besides, what’s a beach after its been overrun by concrete?  And what’s nightlife when its passed out on the floor?

I told my wife when we got in the car to leave that I wish I had a pack of cigarettes.  Much to my delight, she smiled at me, rolled her eyes, and said “Well I need some blankets if you’re going to be driving with the windows down.”  I assured her that I wasn’t planning on buying a pack, not with the way the economy is, but I suppose if I had been alone for that drive and didn’t have my shivering little wife next to me I would think about it.  There’s something about coming off of the Grape Vine into the great Valley below, the bread-basket of the country, rolling down the window, letting the damp and dusty nighttime air fill up the car and enjoying a cigarette.

My wife and I have been struggling with what next? lately.  Her school is two classes away from done, and I’m ready for something different.  But the questions remain: Who?  What?  When?  Where? and Why?  We pretty much have 3 of the 5 nailed down.

Who:  The two of us.  Husband and wife.  Hand in hand.

What:  Getting the hell out of Southern California.  I’m sorry Orange County.  You have your beauty, but its beginning to get lost in the Bentley’s and people confused with the natural process of aging.  

When:  The beginning of the New Year.  Darcie will be graduated and I will have put in a decent amount of time at the Irvine Company.  Enough time that I could put it on a resume and a future employer will not look at it and say “Why do you move around every six months?”

But here we arrive at our problem.  Where and Why?  There seems to be two sides pulling at the both of us.  Thankfully each side is not represented by either of us, and we are both being torn together.  But its still uncomfortable.  We have a strong desire to be with friends and family.  We want to be down the street from our loved ones, and be in each other’s lives.  It would be much easier than a 3-day weekend with the frantic stress of seeing everyone and getting a decent amount of face time with friends.  My poor mother gets so excited when we come home that she stays up way past her bedtime, buys me my favorite candy, calls over friends for a weeknight dinner, and I imagine when we leave is exhausted.  

The other side of us is drawn to the wild.  Not the jungle or the Serengeti but just the unfamiliar.  I want to look out at the ocean and watch the sun rise from below it.  I want to use highway numbers for what they are, instead of preceding them with the word “the” turning them into their own entity with lives all to themselves that can crush your day if they want to.  Actually, I would like to go where highways don’t exist, and if they do they are simply there for long distance travel.  Better yet, I want to go somewhere that I don’t need a car.  A vespa perhaps, but not a car!

But this would require living somewhere that friends and family are not.  And although I love it here (believe me, I could get used to sitting on my back patio, sipping coffee with my dogs chewing bones next to me, and the cool morning breeze tickling my bare feet) its too easy for me to do.  I have an itch.  An itch that I don’t think home can scratch.  Just not yet at least.  The funny thing is, my mother agrees.  She says that she thinks its too early.  I’m not sure what she means by that, but if you know my mother you know that its probably not an easy thing for her to tell her baby.  She’s encouraged Darc and I to go out in the wild to at least explore it and get our feet wet.  But its a tough thing to do.  What’s a new city without friends?  What’s a new location when here is home?  

So we remain in limbo.  Thankfully with a few months to prepare.  I’m not going to lie, despite the uneasiness of it all, I like this feeling.  To think that we have options; that we have a choice.  Remember when you lived at home, and it took a week to convince your parents to let you drive to the beach?  Funny to think that a few years later I could tell my parents I am moving to the Netherlands and they would just reluctantly oblige.  I guess what’s more important is being present in the process, and less concerned about the end.

A toast to friends, and a toast to adventure.

Blood:Water

Hi friends,

I don’t normally do this sort of thing.  But as I’ve sat here this morning, drinking my coffee, and bathed in the morning sunlight, I couldn’t help but be moved.  I am a skeptic when it comes to giving.  If someone tells me to give, I tell them to go home.  But I can’t pass this up.  It seems like a unique opportunity to directly affect a nation and a person.  Regardless of whether or not you know this person, or will ever meet them.  The thought of anonymously blessing a human being makes my heart beat.  Darcie and I have decided to give 12 dollars; 1 dollar for each month of the year.  And with each dollar we will be providing clean water for 1 person for 1 year.

So I invite you, my friends, to talk to your wives, talk to your accountants, talk to your pocket books, and talk to your heart and do what you can.  And if nothing else, stand for love.

 

For more information visit:

bloodwatermission.com

or

donaldmillerwords.com

Desk Dreams

So I was sitting at work the other day. I didn’t have much to do as I had gotten it all done within the first two hours. The rest of my time is spent trying to create work, and if that fails I browse the internet, or what I can at least. At one of my favorite websites, The Burnside Writers Collective, I came across a poem that I had read a few weeks back on their blog.

For the month of April (which is now gone….wow!) they published a poem each day in honor of National Poetry Month. I read a certain poem one day that I loved but later forgot about. For good reason too. Because a few weeks down the line, in the late morning while sitting at my desk I came across it again. And in that moment of wondering what I was doing, I was reminded of what makes my heart beat.

I tried to sign onto my blog from the office, but was denied. No self-expression from work. Anyway, now that I have the chance, here it is. Originally it appeared here.

A Long Week by: Ramon Chaparro

I want to give the world a foot massage
“Take a load off,” I’d say
“You’ve had a long week”

I want to buy backpacks for crack babies
Teach them E=mc2
Sing them the theme to Fat Albert
Show them the correct dosage of sugar for kick-ass Kool-Aid
Tell them their mothers’ addictions
Were not predestination, were not bad luck
But just were
And they are free to be
Someone’s solution instead of the symbol
Of someone’s problem

I want to host a banquet
For the orphans of Gaza
The widows of Darfur
Pile the tables high with falafel
And kisra with bamia
Fill glasses with crystal water
Mugs with guhwah, chai, and goat’s milk
Raise a toast to their fallen loved ones
And send them to down-filled beds
For a night of rest
Without the sound of Kalashnikovs
I want to tell them they are no longer refugees
They are Mustafa and Jamilah
And they can call someplace home again

I want to give prosthetics to the war children
Of Kabul and Mazar and Kandahar
Watch them play soccer and basketball
Their new limbs gracefully awkward
Their war dreams lessening in intensity
Their eyes losing their haunted cast
Their steps unfettered by the fear
of land mines in the sand
I want to tell them they are worth more
Than sodomy and poppy seed
That they can write their own history

I want to comfort everyone everywhere
Share and bear their joys and sorrows
Whisper with prophetic imagination
Of a new world with old roots
A melancholy tale with an uplifting end
When he and she, you and me
Can love with reckless abandon
Others more than ourselves

But today, I drive by the man
With his cardboard sign
My windows rolled up against the sunny day
A dollar bill snugly ensconced
In the folds of my wallet
And I sing with Mahalia,
His eye is on the sparrow

Get Your Hands Dirty

The new Thrice album came out today- rather, the second half of the new Thrice album came out. I like it a lot. I am sure it will give me something to ponder for months. These are the lyrics to the opening song on The Alchemy Index: Vol. IV: Earth.

Moving Mountains by: Dustin Kensrue (of Thrice)

I speak in many tongues to many men;
argue with angels and I always win,
but I don’t know the first thing about love.
I prophesy and know all mysteries;
all hidden things are opened up to me,
but I don’t know the first thing about love.

I have the keys to open any door;
I give all my possessions to the poor,
but I don’t know the first thing about love.
And moving mountains aint no thing to me;
I’ve faith enough to cast them to the sea,
but I don’t know the first thing about love.

But all other things shall fade away;
while love stands alone and still holds sway.
All other things shall fade away;
into the ground, into the grey.

I give my body up unto the flames;
and never once have I denied your name,
but I don’t know the first thing about love.

Most Often Someone Else Has Said It, and Said It Better

I have been wordless for some time now.  I have sat down to write on a few occasions, punched out a few drafts, but haven’t been happy with anything.  Redundant.

So I have decided, until words flow, I will write down the words of others; words that have inspired me, carried me, ministered to me, and the like.  So for the time being; until I again have a thought worth noting, enjoy these:

O’ Porcupine written by Aaron Weiss (of mewithoutYou)

without a queen the locust swarm
turned the ground black
descending like a shadowy tower on a fish’s back
and scattered the sticks who crawled
like snakes in the sand
as the red clay took the form of a lizard
who rushed like a moth to the flame of my open hand

[while, in my little world...]
a speckled bird humbly inspired
ran across the road when it could have flown
and it made me smile
at the water’s edge, Babylon
we laid down and slept
as the river wept for you, O’ Zion!
the stones cry out,
bells shake the sky
all creation groans…

SHHHH!!!
<honestly, be quiet a while-
particularly outside>

listen to it!

messes of men in farmer poverty;
not much for monks but we pretend to be
share a silent meal and a pot of chamomile
gypsies like us should be stamped in solidarity
I hold you in my fond but distant memory
while for the Mother Hen to gather me
who regretfully wrote,

“you ave a decent ear for notes
but you can’t yet appreciate harmony.”

O’ porcupine perched low in the tree
your eyes to mine:

“you’d be well inclined not to mess with me.”

at the garden’s edge beneath a speechless sky
as his friends all slept
Jesus wept-and no wonder
and now you say you wanna be set free??
and wanna set me free???
well I’m told that can only come from
a union with the One who never dies

[while, in my little world, I patched a plaster wall
and in my little world,I was waiting (just dying!)
to take offense at something
this is all there in my sad little world]

in darkness a light shines
on you and me

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,
I never picked grapefruit off a bramble bush
and for the past five-almost six years now!-
you know you haven’t once looked at me
with kindness in your eyes
you say Judas is a brother of mine?
but sister in our darkness a light shines
and all I ever want to say for the rest of my life
is how that light is G-d,
and though I’ve been mistaken on this point or that point,
that light is nevertheless G-d.